Wealthy Worldwide Elites Enjoy Perks of Second Official Great Depression

THE HAMPTONS, NY- It’s another warm, Spring afternoon in the Hamptons. David Hasital is enjoying his customary Moorish margarita with child tears as flocks of butlers and waitstaff circle his hellacious courtyard and Versailles-esque gardens.

“It’s been amazing!" exclaims Hasital, “The Fed’s printing made money so cheap I can now leverage almost anything- these butlers are buy one, get three free! They’ll be great help for all my guests at this week’s, “It’s a Thursday and we’re rich, so let’s do whatever the hell we want party.”

Top 1%’ers have long been enjoying the increasing access to capital not afforded to the meager masses. But with the recent fluctuation in interest rates, the Fed’s injection of cheap cash into the economy, and Wall Street buying up everyone’s homes on the market, it’s never been a better time to be a highly-wealthy, incorporated parasitic pariah in modern society.

Sadly, wages for blue-collar and middle-income earners and families have historically stagnated despite the ever-increasing rate of inflation and costs of living. Employees are also being asked to return to the office as the pandemic “slows down”, or a “new variant pops up”, depending on your overlord’s best way to exploit the struggling working class and economy this month. The fact that gas prices have soared in recent weeks is helping nobody’s cause (except maybe big oil).

Of course, though, he says the staff are always “given the option” of having their paychecks garnished to live in the only unkempt shed on the entire piece of property. “Just because slavery laws were abolished doesn’t mean you still can’t afford to treat people like they’re sub-human! Isn’t money amazing?”