World-Ending Record Temps Nothing To Do With Fossil Fuel Repercussions, Big-Oil Endorsed Scientist Assures

Monday’s morning record temperatures have been a pause for concern to even the most staunchly anti-climate change enthusiasts.

“As if the weather hasn’t been erratic enough,” one local Houstoner claimed, “People have been legit cooking eggs and grits on their car hoods this week.” Only to add, “Lucky for us, this weather’s been more batshit than my ex-girl- it’ll sunshower an hour later and clean that sucker right off for ya!”

Scientists and climate change activists worldwide are rallying behind the recent record-setting temperatures and world weather events as the earth’s call for better care – something that could be deadly us for soon enough as well if we don’t heed these environmental warnings.

 A representative for the United Oil Baron and Environmental Pillagers’ Rights Group invited world leaders to an elaborate presentation at the new Exxon-Mobil/U.N. Headquarters on everything Big Oil has been doing to curtail repercussions for it’s actions.

Greta Thunberg was seen mock castrating a oil executive at the town square nearby.