CEO Proposes Open Enslavement of Worldwide Lower Class As Only Means to Sustain Post-Capitalist Society

Houston, TX- In darker news, head of Exxon-Mobile, citing concerns of a rampantly rigged post-election economy, and overall humane transition to green and other renewable energies, has proposed one last idea to combat the unsustainable relationship capitalism has with human existence on earth.

“We’ve gotten to the point where our cards our maxed out, our coffers are dry, our loans are all extended, and everyone’s too bankrupt to bail even us out. Unfortunately we’re going to have to start enslaving humanity.”

“You know, smaller groups at first.” He began, “but then…”. He pulls out a full-scale graph chart and presentation, citing visuals of eventual worldwide domination.

“Everyone will still get their benefits, as we see on this newly updated chart decreasing allowances in proportion to age.”, the CEO spoke candidly. “Frankly, the idea of freedom is changing a lot these days. We’re considering using our last ounces of lobbyist funding to tip the scales back to fossil fuels. Otherwise, this seems like the only logical option left.”