Christian Metalcore Vocalist Can't Believe Fans Thought He Actually Endorsed Eating Babies

SAINT PAUL, MN – Local frontman and bandleader Jaime Albrato of local Christian Deathcore Mercurial Abortion has been catching some flack from his local Denny’s lately. That’s because during their last Wednesday night Pizza Party and Metal Show- he may or may not have said some things when he was hopped up on one too many Mountain Dews. Fans began to question some of the underlying meaning in songs like, “His Test” and “I Don’t Want It”.

Saint Paul is a traditionally Christian and Catholic community- a town that prides itself on locals knowing and being there for one another. “We try to be open and understanding toward the endeavors of our children”, says local youth pastor Maria Winthrope, “even if it means using the Lord’s name in vein to bring awareness to the injustices of Roe v. Wade”.

The controversy has actually helped spearhead the band toward new audiences, even being offered a tour with Suicidal Tendencies. Nevertheless, Albrato released a statement claiming he has become disillusioned with the band, and needs “time to sort out all these deep thoughts in my head”.