Russia and China Vow Secret Nuclear Talks Not Head Start on World War III

Beijing, CN- This week Russian and Chinese presidents Vladamir Putin and Xi Jinping held secret meetings to discuss to discuss their relationships moving forward in the 21st century. Though these meetings were cause for concern for obvious reason, both countries representatives have assured the world that it is “none of the United Nations or global populace’s concern”.

Putin has however had quite the track record of making false claims in recent months. On the back of the Russian invasion of Ukraine, the nation’s world-stance seems a bit stand-offish to any new promises of peace. The invasion itself has been an onslaught that has yet to show signs of letting up.

“It’s like the two precarious kids in the school yard banding together because they know no one else’ll accept them,” says one U.N. Representative who chose to remain anonymous. “I’d say more- but with the global economy being more connected than ever, I don’t need Kremlin knocking on my door at 3 in the morning because they got an international arrest warrant or something. Lord knows the U.N. won’t protect me.”

“These two over-grown children with their fingers on the button are going to kill us all,” says another U.N. rep, “but please, continue to “elect” rich, white, self-interested male billionaires to bring us into our already rapidly-declining future. It’s been going so well so far.”

Russian and Chinese representatives were not reachable for comment, but promised they will “see all of us soon”.