Senator Astonished Local Constituents Can’t Just Escape Statewide Emergency In “Their Own Private Jet”

HOUSTON, TX- Texas state Senator Ted Cruz went before the Senate Judiciary Committee Thursday to share insights on what he believes was “an insurrection of justice” on the people of the great state of Texas Thursday afternoon.

“I don’t understand how anyone couldn’t just LEAVE their fortified and winterized mansion in the hills for this once in a lifetime southern occurrence. I understand not everyone may have all their planes winterized.” Further stating, “Y’know some folks might have jets, some might be lying about having jets… it can get tricky.”

“Look this is the land of the free. You’re given every opportunity to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps. Just as you’re given every opportunity to starve. Do what ya gotta do, neighbor.”

Nevertheless, despite ridiculous amounts of public outcry and online pressure, Senator Cruz begrudgingly caved a week later, making sure to take plenty of photo ops handing out water bottles in seemingly unaffected areas. What a time to be a gaslighter.